FYI

Apple juice?

My absolute favorite of all the juices and it is not just for infants.

I Am An Athlete

Well, at least according to Madre. And let's just be brutally honest, her standards? Not so high. She claimed athlete status for herself after I think two trips to the gym in a week that involved sweating.

Well, after a 6 month hiatus from any physical activity (other than riding), I ran and sweat twice in one week. The second run was even a road race, which I finished in a blistering 31-ish minutes.

Usain Bolt better watch it.

Gingerbread House: A Family Collaboration

Now what you can't tell is that the Greenwood arsonist caused some damage to the smaller side of the roof. And I had to do some emergency repairs on the sides with super-glue. Good thing no one ever eats these! M put the pieces together, so that's why the piece with the front door is upside down. We don't want any visitors who can't figure out how to get in. Also, there were supposed to be two short chimneys, but M combined them into one tall chimney instead. You know how those architects can be, taking creative liberties whenever they get the chance.

The Reflecting Pool In DC

We Used To Do What?

So I was watching Mary Poppins tonight, and I had totally forgotten how awesome that movie is. Too bad I have to give it back to the library in two weeks.

However, while watching it I remembered something my sisters (all four of us) used to do as children. When we were eating jello, we would swish it around in our mouths until it turned back into liquid, then we would spit it out into the spoon. And now here is where things get really good, we would drink the liquid jello back up while acting out Mary Poppins. You know, the scene where Mary Poppins gives the kids medicine and each spoonful she pours is a different flavor.

Mmmm strawberry!

Lime cordial, delicious!

Ah, rum punch.





Now that I think about it, I realize how truly disgusting that is.

Jealousy

So I was visiting N in DC for Thanksgiving. It was pretty grand.

Obviously, N is my idol and since she lives in a studio apartment, I got to share her bed. She got to rediscover that I snuggle at night. Oops.

Anyways, I met her friend from school who is fluent in six languages. Six. And even though next year will be his third year in law school he wants to learn a seventh for fun. I wish I was a language savant like he is. That would be so freaking awesome.


I think I would choose to learn the following:

French, because I took that in high school and college.

Spanish so I could communicate with more people in the states.

Italian, because I love Italy.

Mandarin (or is Cantonese more popular?), for business.

German, so I can express my frustration without fear of repercussions at work.





Too bad sleep learn tapes don't work, I would totally buy them and use them nightly.

Recent Family Quotes

On what we are thankful for:

N: I am thankful for all of you.
Madre: *sarcastic laugh* Ok now what are you really thankful for?
N: Ok fine, I am thankful for movie season.
Madre: That's better.


M on becoming Amish and having to dress plainly:

I think I could do it, especially if everyone else was dressing like that.


A, being jealous of me and N:

Hello nemesis.


N on Madre's phone etiquette:

Mom, I can hear you clearly through Megan's phone!

Context: N and I were together and Madre and A were together. N was on the phone with Madre, who wouldn't stop talking, so I called A to tell her to get Madre off the phone. Madre is a loud talker.

WTF???

So why was I late to work today? Oh, that's right, because I left my house without any shoes and I got about a mile away before I realized it. I was wearing these rain boots, only it wasn't raining. Seriously?? Who does that? It's moments like these that make it painfully clear that I am on the fast track up the corporate ladder.

Obviously.

Good thing I am smart enough to notice my improper footgear before arriving at the office.


In other news, my tree is up with a mere 700 lights on it. I could have used 800. There are 300 additional. lights around the old APT, bringing the total up to one thousand (you can trust my calculations, I am in banking). Seeing as my apartment is less then a thousand square feet I worry that there are not enough.

A Voicemail

So I have a bad habit of not listening to my messages. But Madre, she has a much worse habit of leaving the world's longest voicemails.

They go a little something like this:


Heyy Boogie, it's mom. I'm sorry I missed your call, I was belly dancing. Anyways, I just wanted to see what you were up too, I haven't talked to you in a few days. I will be available later, but first I have another dance rehearsal and then I have to meet a friend at McDonalds, I might get a hamburger and some diet coke, but I am trying to be healthier.... *loud background noises* Stop it Tardie! No! Stop! *laughs maniacally* Sorry I'm back, Tardie is just being annoying and won't leave me alone. So just call me back when you can.... I hope you have a good day.


And on and on and on. Is it any wonder I that when I finally check my messages I don't get past the 'hi Boogie' before I delete them.


Sorry Madre.



PS: Madre is dancing in the belly dance version of the Nutcracker this weekend. How does that even work?

Just Catching Up On Some Correspondence

Dear Tom,

I know you are a really talented horse and have a lot to teach me. However, I question the lesson you gave me on Sunday. See I already knew that the rider should not be going over jumps without the horse and landing in the dirt. Thanks anyways!



Dear Bien,

When we chatted in the elevator the other day I could not make sense of anything you were saying. All I got out of our conversation was something about a hospital, someone named Luigi, the hairs on the back of your neck, and that you are willing to help roommate and I unless we need something too heavy moved/lifted. Maybe if you weren't so high all the time our talks would make more sense?



Dear Shady Parking Lot Guy,

When you paid for my parking with "your" credit card and asked for cash, you failed to consider one thing: I don't carry cash. Ever. That means free parking for me, and hopefully less credit card stealing for you. Better luck next time!



Dear Christmas,

Only 38 days left! I can't wait!



Dear Molasses Drop Cookies,

I love you, don't ever leave me.



Sincerely yours,

Megan

Random Quote Of The Day

You ever hear Dad introduce us to people? "This is our daughter Dottie, and this is our other daughter, Dottie's sister."

Kit Keller, A League Of Their Own

I just love that movie.

And Now, A Product Review

I love my Reebok Stayball. It is super durable, bright (I love bright colors), and I feel better every time I use it.

But I have yet to use my ball for it's intended purpose. It just fits too nicely in my bathroom, the perfect height to sit on while I dry my hair. And I really hate standing more then necessary. Some people might call that lazy, I just call it an energy saver.

Maybe one day I will do some crunches on it.



Not today.

Speaking of Fire...

Someone is trying to burn down my neighborhood!!! Stupid arsonist.

Don't worry though, Brina's mom has bought us a ladder that can go down four stories. It comes on Thursday. We are planning on using it to let our friends in, and maybe for quick trips to Safeway for rations. It will be like living in a treehouse, that I have to pay for every month.

But really, if this arsonist burns down Gorditos I will be crushed.

Baby It's Cold Outside

Good thing I have my fireplace to cut down on the heating bill.

And don't worry, I have cheesecake, apple pie, three kinds of ice cream, and a donut in case I get a craving for something sweet.

In Other News...

This fatty stepped on my foot today, while I was giving someone a leg-up.

Thanks Red, I loved it. I know you were really concerned, but no, I did not break any toes.

Just Making Good On A Promise

For some silly reason Madre thinks I should write a nice post about her. So I will. And not just because my birthday is coming up either.

Madre has some serious domestic skills that she should be super proud of. Like sewing, scrapbooking, painting, cooking, cleaning, raising children, basically all of the traditional feminine duties. When she was younger she made stained glass windows, and taught classes on them also. She made both of these, and they have been hanging in my grandparent's house for almost thirty years.

 

Pretty nifty right? I think she should teach me how to do that.

Madre? Whenever you are ready to give me lessons, you may call me.

Pops Takes A Wife

My dad, Pops, he was in Hungary for several months and while there he found a lovely Hungarian bride.

Meet Wacko Jacko, chocolate lab extraordinaire.

Is it pathetic that sometimes the highlight of my day is taking my socks off and scratching my ankles?


I didn't think so.

Madre's Party: A Recap

Best thing all night. M and her boyfriend dressed as each other. I must say, Big Hands makes one ugly ugly girl. He is pretty worried about next year since M is always trying to top the previous year's costumes.

I would be worried too.

Also of note:

Madre's drunken bellydance (this can be seen at any party Madre throws or attends).

Someone thinking my roommate Brina dressed as an abortion (she was a heart).

An old guy telling me he prefers my electrodes (as he was staring at my chest).

The same old guy asking what's the oldest I would consider dating.

Ghost of Halloweens Past

Madre as a crazy person? With a vulture?

 

M as a crazy person, in a unitard.

 

Me and Chris, as the war against drugs.

T-minus three days.

My Friend Westley

Since Colorado left me all alone at work my days have been less than stellar. Good thing I have my new friend Westley to hang out with. He always makes me laugh.

he really is all black, just dirty

He likes pretending he hates me, always making faces and being constantly grumpy. But I know the truth Westley, I know you secretly love me. Especially when I make you do things like move at normal speeds, and have nice manners.

We get along great because he is as awkward as I am. He kind of looks like a thestral, poorly proportioned,  abnormally high withers, scrawny neck. He accidentally hurts himself in his stall, and when I ask him to move over, he picks up his leg instead.


We're learning.

I found this image here, and it pretty much sums up our relationship.

Through The Years

Sometimes I can't help it but think in song lyrics. Obviously I can only think in old lyrics since I never listen to the radio.

I digress.

I stumbled upon these treasures recently, and they are just too great to keep to myself.

This one is second grade, I think. Maybe. It can't be first grade because *nerd alert* I was homeschooled for the beginning of first grade.

You can already tell I will need some serious orthodonture.

Now third grade (I think), this is where it starts to get good. I made the excellent choice of a laser background, and my second front tooth is growing in nicely. I ended up with three of my right front tooth. It's how I roll. Don't even ask about my six wisdom teeth. Oh, and the only reason my hair looks regular is because my mom spent like an hour styling it.

 

Yes, I liked the laser backgrounds so much I picked it two years in a row. And both years the lasers matched my shirt. I am so stylish I can hardly contain myself.

My dentist always commented on how beautiful my glasses were. I agree.

I am pretty sure this one is from sixth grade, after I got my contacts.  And braces. I must say, I was rather homely looking.

This is also when I started doing my own hair, which explains the size of it. I kind of look as though I haven't been fed. That's not the case, even though Madre slapped me around she did provide food.



But I am not the only one who takes a great picture...

How's it going, A?

I Want To Be Just Like N

Which is why I wore her dress to prom. In my defense M wore it also, I just couldn't find a picture of her wearing it. You'll just have to take my word for it. That's kind of great about the internet, isn't it? I can tell you whatever I want and you have no reason not to believe me. I swear I am not lying though, M really did wear N's dress to her prom as well.

 

Even with a 5 inch height difference it still fits!

In all seriousness though, N just got a bad ass lawyer job for the summer. In her ten week paid internship she will make what I make in a year.

N? Sorry to say, but you will never be rid of me.

I Haven't Forgotten Madre

Madre is under the impression that I owe her a nice post. Well sorry Madre, today is just not that day. It's just so much more fun for me to post pictures of you like this one:

That's my first dog, Linus as a baby! (Can he be considered my first dog if he was around for a few years before I was even born?) He was a little nutty, he bit a tax assessor once.

Also, is there anything better then peppermint ice cream for breakfast? 

You Mean People Actually Want Me To Design?

Yikes.

Coworkers found out that my degree is in design. Probably because I told them. Now, they want me to make the Safety Committee's Halloween party flyer. And I am over a year out of practice. And I don't have this guy, or this girl, or this girl to help me. Like they did with this project:

And this project:

As much as it pains me to admit, I do miss being in school, but it is mostly because of those guys.
But I can't just remember designing, rumor has it that if you want to be a graphic designer you actually have to design stuff once in awhile.






Also, tomorrow is Colorado's last day at work! She is moving to Oregon and leaving me all alone.

Ugly Green Monsters

So A, she has always been jealous of this secret bond that she thinks N and I have. We don't. During family events she will often mope around complaining of how N and I are like Cristina and Meredith and she is Izzie (Grey's Anatomy anyone?).

Well, I actually heard from A last night, but only because I sent her a postcard. And she told me that she was planning on sending N a special Halloween candy care package but not me!!! The tables have turned and I don't like this. Not one bit.

A? FYI, you can never be part of N and I's special club. She just likes me more and she cannot be bought by candy. So you best just send me the same thing.

What I Wore, Sunday Edition

I'm just gonna jump on the bandwagon and copy all the fashionistas who blog about their great outfits. Because, let's be honest here, I can put together some seriously trendy stuff. For instance:

Yes, I was wearing two pairs of pants, the green ones courtesy of Madre the 5'2 wonder. They are even short on her. In my defense, this was after a day of working at the barn and helping Madre make a mosaic.

I have absolutely no idea why my ex used to say that I dress like a transient.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Bye-bye

I Am Not A Con Artist

N came home over the weekend. She's just so great.

Anyways, we went out for a night o' family fun, and since Madre's new car only seats two we took mine. Of course there was talk of gas reimbursement, after all I am pretty much living at the poverty line.

So dinner is N, M, Tardie, Madre, me, and M's boyfriend Big Hands. The check comes and N contributes, Madre contributes, M and Big Hands contribute.

I do not.

Instead, Madre contributes $20 to my gas fund.

So, I made a profit while everyone else split the bill.


But hey, I am not that selfish, I donated the twenty to a movie with the father unit, N, and M the very next day.





Also, I have yet to even sit in Madre's new car, let alone drive it. Could this have anything to do with it?

Double Entendres

While lounging in my roommate, Brina's bed I casually mention that I am considering getting a bob.

She replies (completely nonchalantly) Oh, I think I am going to throw mine away.


Yeah, she was referring to her vibrator. I, on the other hand was referring to a haircut. This haircut to be more specific.

Now Brina, just so we are on the same page, if at any point in the future I use the word 'bob' I am in no way referring to anything sexual.



Except if I am telling this story.

On A More Serious Note

It's pretty common knowledge that October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Obviously this is a cause that is close to many, and one that I fully support.

But, did you know that October is also National Domestic Violence Awareness Month? I know a few victims of domestic violence personally, and this is another cause that I cannot support enough.

If you, or someone you know has been a victim of domestic violence here are a few resources. The first link is a local (Seattle/Bellevue area) organization that a friend of Madre works with.

Eastside Domestic Violence

National Domestic Violence Hotline

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

More resources


The last link takes you to a domestic violence resource page collected by the publisher of womenlawyers.com. It's pretty comprehensive.










PS: N is home this weekend for a quick visit! 

Know How I Know Halloween is Getting Close?

That's how.

Let's take a closer look, shall we?

 

Please note that the cat is scotch taped onto the pumpkin. Also, what is up with those alien bug eyes?

Meow.

My landlord, who is super nice, decorates (if you can call it that) for the holidays.  

On Healthy Eating, or, Why Not to Buy Groceries When Hungry

Last night I came home from work feeling a bit lethargic. I proceeded to lay on my bed until hunger dictate that I eat something. Having no will to cook anything I settled on microwave popcorn.

Today I was determined not to have a repeat, so I went to the store for the essentials. I came back with mac and cheese, pudding cups, brownie mix, and fruit snacks.


Healthy choices, it's what I am all about.

Maybe I Should Pay Jiffy Lube A Visit

Don't you all just love it when I blog about Madre? I sure do. She provides me with an endless supply of anecdotes.

Like for instance, how she is adamant about routine car maintenance. No, wait, that's wrong. Her oil changing privileges were revoked after The Incident with her last car. It was a Nissan Murano, and it was the first brand new car Madre owned in a few decades. If you thought she take extra care with her new purchase, you would be mistaken. Madre drove that thing for 40,000 miles before taking it in to get the oil changed. Let me repeat.

She drove her car for forty thousand miles without changing the oil.

There were metal shavings in the oil, and the Jiffy Lube guys asked to keep it. They had never seen anything that bad. Tardie Artie has taken over making sure the oil gets changed on the cars. It's for the best.



Reminds me that I am overdue (not that overdue) for an oil change.

Nature's Masterpiece

don't know why these are so green 

So I got this necklace with a tree pendant, thinking it's just the greatest. I mean, who wouldn't? Trees are awesome. Naturally I wear it to work and immediately Colorado grabs at it.

Oh what's this? What does it say?

Nothing Colorado, it's just a tree.

No, it says something!

Yes, I am the idiot who bought jewelry without noticing it had words on it. FYI, it says "A family's love is natures masterpiece".




Disclaimer: Madre does not normally slap her kids for being generally annoying. I just managed to push her over the edge twice.

Cooking FAIL

Now normally I am a pretty decent baker, however, this Saturday was absolutely NOT a demonstration of my skills. I saw these over at sugarlaws:

If Katy, who is completely self taught, can make those bites of heaven, why not me? Besides, I needed some sort of treat to make, it was my friend's birthday. I should have considered a few important things that are crucial for success in this recipe.

1) Tuiles are very technical to make. Very technical (read: easy to screw up).

2) Mousse has to be chilled to set, and should not be over-whipped or it will start to break down (I know this from experience).


When I couldn't shape any of my tuiles into cups I thought I should just make the peanut butter mousse and we could take the flat tuiles and dip them in the mousse. But that only works when you have actual mousse instead of watery, over-whipped peanut butter.

So to recap:

Katy made these:

I made flat tuile cups and watery peanut butter:

note how they are all broken and not nice cups like Katy's

just...gross

Oh, and my friend was unsuccessful in his cooking endeavors as well. While I was essentially making a mess, he fixed us gray steak and undercooked, soggy sweet potato fries. Yum. A very happy birthday to you.

Dating Tips

So my old manager, Jimmy James, gets a huge kick out of trying to set me up. And by that I mean telling me about semi-elaborate schemes to get me alone with any single guy who works in the office.

His newest plot is also his favorite, based on the fact that he cannot stop laughing when he talks about it. Basically, I am to get all dressed up and hang around outside El Gaucho's on a Saturday night waiting for a single guy to come walking up. Then, when I see someone with potential, I start to cry. Theoretically the guy will ask what's wrong, and I say I have been stood up and have no one to eat with. This lands me a date with at least enough money to afford dinner at El Gaucho's (not a cheap place by any means).


Perhaps I should listen, since Jimmy James got a girl to move from Italy to the states after meeting during a study abroad. She is now his wife.

Pocket Person, and A Story of Perseverance

Since Pocket Person was so tickled to be mentioned yesterday, I thought I would dedicate even more space to her. Especially since she is my CEO's soon to be daughter-in-law. It just wouldn't do to make Pocket Person unhappy you know.

I mostly like her for these reasons:

1) She brought me with her to go cake tasting, and if you don't already know, I am all about the food.

2) She told me to watch Meet Me In St Louis, which was awesome. Mostly because I love Judy Garland (whose daughter, Liza Minnelli, plays Lucille 2 on Arrested Development, one of the greatest TV shows).

She warned me not to show a picture of her with her braces on, and since I am all about keeping Pocket Person happy, I must acquiesce. So here she is, sans orthodonture.

And in other news, if you love to hear about rescue animals that survive against all odds, (you should know this is VERY graphic) then keep reading after the jump!

Radio, Who Needs A Radio?!

Yeah, if you can't figure out the movie reference in the title I don't think we can be friends.

It's Dumb and Dumber, obviously.

So my coworkers, Colorado and Pocket Person (so called because she is generally that size, short, skinny and small handed) think I am some sort of crazy person for never listening to the radio. I have my iPod people, I do not drive in silence. Not to mention I hate commercials with the fire of a thousand suns. But apparently I am missing out on some crucial element of life by not being able to sing Shakira's new song, She-Wolf along with them.

Yeah I found the video. I gotta say, it doesn't make me feel like I am missing anything at all. Not to mention, the song is kind of grody once you know the Urban Dictionary definition of she-wolf.

Personally, I think this version is much better.

I Can Make Things Grow, Sort Of

I have a miniature balcony and on said balcony I have grown an even smaller garden. I am talking like three pots with a few flowers here. Things were going swimmingly until the most recent blooms on my gerberas. They are.....interesting.

Umm, I was under the impression that flowers had a few more petals then this...

And don't they normally open more, I don't know, spherical?

Well, as Madre is so fond of saying, perfectionism has taken a big hit.




By the by, happy last day of summer! Halloween is only 40 days away!!!

This One's For You, A

In lieu of anything exciting happening today I am dedicating this post to my most dedicated reader, A. She sometimes checks Incurably Awkward more then once a day from Keaau, Hawaii

Isn't she lovely?

In other news, I did not drive into anything today. See Madre? I am not worlds worst driver all the time.