Ghost of Halloweens Past

Madre as a crazy person? With a vulture?

 

M as a crazy person, in a unitard.

 

Me and Chris, as the war against drugs.

T-minus three days.

My Friend Westley

Since Colorado left me all alone at work my days have been less than stellar. Good thing I have my new friend Westley to hang out with. He always makes me laugh.

he really is all black, just dirty

He likes pretending he hates me, always making faces and being constantly grumpy. But I know the truth Westley, I know you secretly love me. Especially when I make you do things like move at normal speeds, and have nice manners.

We get along great because he is as awkward as I am. He kind of looks like a thestral, poorly proportioned,  abnormally high withers, scrawny neck. He accidentally hurts himself in his stall, and when I ask him to move over, he picks up his leg instead.


We're learning.

I found this image here, and it pretty much sums up our relationship.

Through The Years

Sometimes I can't help it but think in song lyrics. Obviously I can only think in old lyrics since I never listen to the radio.

I digress.

I stumbled upon these treasures recently, and they are just too great to keep to myself.

This one is second grade, I think. Maybe. It can't be first grade because *nerd alert* I was homeschooled for the beginning of first grade.

You can already tell I will need some serious orthodonture.

Now third grade (I think), this is where it starts to get good. I made the excellent choice of a laser background, and my second front tooth is growing in nicely. I ended up with three of my right front tooth. It's how I roll. Don't even ask about my six wisdom teeth. Oh, and the only reason my hair looks regular is because my mom spent like an hour styling it.

 

Yes, I liked the laser backgrounds so much I picked it two years in a row. And both years the lasers matched my shirt. I am so stylish I can hardly contain myself.

My dentist always commented on how beautiful my glasses were. I agree.

I am pretty sure this one is from sixth grade, after I got my contacts.  And braces. I must say, I was rather homely looking.

This is also when I started doing my own hair, which explains the size of it. I kind of look as though I haven't been fed. That's not the case, even though Madre slapped me around she did provide food.



But I am not the only one who takes a great picture...

How's it going, A?

I Want To Be Just Like N

Which is why I wore her dress to prom. In my defense M wore it also, I just couldn't find a picture of her wearing it. You'll just have to take my word for it. That's kind of great about the internet, isn't it? I can tell you whatever I want and you have no reason not to believe me. I swear I am not lying though, M really did wear N's dress to her prom as well.

 

Even with a 5 inch height difference it still fits!

In all seriousness though, N just got a bad ass lawyer job for the summer. In her ten week paid internship she will make what I make in a year.

N? Sorry to say, but you will never be rid of me.

I Haven't Forgotten Madre

Madre is under the impression that I owe her a nice post. Well sorry Madre, today is just not that day. It's just so much more fun for me to post pictures of you like this one:

That's my first dog, Linus as a baby! (Can he be considered my first dog if he was around for a few years before I was even born?) He was a little nutty, he bit a tax assessor once.

Also, is there anything better then peppermint ice cream for breakfast? 

You Mean People Actually Want Me To Design?

Yikes.

Coworkers found out that my degree is in design. Probably because I told them. Now, they want me to make the Safety Committee's Halloween party flyer. And I am over a year out of practice. And I don't have this guy, or this girl, or this girl to help me. Like they did with this project:

And this project:

As much as it pains me to admit, I do miss being in school, but it is mostly because of those guys.
But I can't just remember designing, rumor has it that if you want to be a graphic designer you actually have to design stuff once in awhile.






Also, tomorrow is Colorado's last day at work! She is moving to Oregon and leaving me all alone.

Ugly Green Monsters

So A, she has always been jealous of this secret bond that she thinks N and I have. We don't. During family events she will often mope around complaining of how N and I are like Cristina and Meredith and she is Izzie (Grey's Anatomy anyone?).

Well, I actually heard from A last night, but only because I sent her a postcard. And she told me that she was planning on sending N a special Halloween candy care package but not me!!! The tables have turned and I don't like this. Not one bit.

A? FYI, you can never be part of N and I's special club. She just likes me more and she cannot be bought by candy. So you best just send me the same thing.

What I Wore, Sunday Edition

I'm just gonna jump on the bandwagon and copy all the fashionistas who blog about their great outfits. Because, let's be honest here, I can put together some seriously trendy stuff. For instance:

Yes, I was wearing two pairs of pants, the green ones courtesy of Madre the 5'2 wonder. They are even short on her. In my defense, this was after a day of working at the barn and helping Madre make a mosaic.

I have absolutely no idea why my ex used to say that I dress like a transient.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Bye-bye

I Am Not A Con Artist

N came home over the weekend. She's just so great.

Anyways, we went out for a night o' family fun, and since Madre's new car only seats two we took mine. Of course there was talk of gas reimbursement, after all I am pretty much living at the poverty line.

So dinner is N, M, Tardie, Madre, me, and M's boyfriend Big Hands. The check comes and N contributes, Madre contributes, M and Big Hands contribute.

I do not.

Instead, Madre contributes $20 to my gas fund.

So, I made a profit while everyone else split the bill.


But hey, I am not that selfish, I donated the twenty to a movie with the father unit, N, and M the very next day.





Also, I have yet to even sit in Madre's new car, let alone drive it. Could this have anything to do with it?

Double Entendres

While lounging in my roommate, Brina's bed I casually mention that I am considering getting a bob.

She replies (completely nonchalantly) Oh, I think I am going to throw mine away.


Yeah, she was referring to her vibrator. I, on the other hand was referring to a haircut. This haircut to be more specific.

Now Brina, just so we are on the same page, if at any point in the future I use the word 'bob' I am in no way referring to anything sexual.



Except if I am telling this story.

On A More Serious Note

It's pretty common knowledge that October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Obviously this is a cause that is close to many, and one that I fully support.

But, did you know that October is also National Domestic Violence Awareness Month? I know a few victims of domestic violence personally, and this is another cause that I cannot support enough.

If you, or someone you know has been a victim of domestic violence here are a few resources. The first link is a local (Seattle/Bellevue area) organization that a friend of Madre works with.

Eastside Domestic Violence

National Domestic Violence Hotline

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

More resources


The last link takes you to a domestic violence resource page collected by the publisher of womenlawyers.com. It's pretty comprehensive.










PS: N is home this weekend for a quick visit! 

Know How I Know Halloween is Getting Close?

That's how.

Let's take a closer look, shall we?

 

Please note that the cat is scotch taped onto the pumpkin. Also, what is up with those alien bug eyes?

Meow.

My landlord, who is super nice, decorates (if you can call it that) for the holidays.  

On Healthy Eating, or, Why Not to Buy Groceries When Hungry

Last night I came home from work feeling a bit lethargic. I proceeded to lay on my bed until hunger dictate that I eat something. Having no will to cook anything I settled on microwave popcorn.

Today I was determined not to have a repeat, so I went to the store for the essentials. I came back with mac and cheese, pudding cups, brownie mix, and fruit snacks.


Healthy choices, it's what I am all about.

Maybe I Should Pay Jiffy Lube A Visit

Don't you all just love it when I blog about Madre? I sure do. She provides me with an endless supply of anecdotes.

Like for instance, how she is adamant about routine car maintenance. No, wait, that's wrong. Her oil changing privileges were revoked after The Incident with her last car. It was a Nissan Murano, and it was the first brand new car Madre owned in a few decades. If you thought she take extra care with her new purchase, you would be mistaken. Madre drove that thing for 40,000 miles before taking it in to get the oil changed. Let me repeat.

She drove her car for forty thousand miles without changing the oil.

There were metal shavings in the oil, and the Jiffy Lube guys asked to keep it. They had never seen anything that bad. Tardie Artie has taken over making sure the oil gets changed on the cars. It's for the best.



Reminds me that I am overdue (not that overdue) for an oil change.

Nature's Masterpiece

don't know why these are so green 

So I got this necklace with a tree pendant, thinking it's just the greatest. I mean, who wouldn't? Trees are awesome. Naturally I wear it to work and immediately Colorado grabs at it.

Oh what's this? What does it say?

Nothing Colorado, it's just a tree.

No, it says something!

Yes, I am the idiot who bought jewelry without noticing it had words on it. FYI, it says "A family's love is natures masterpiece".




Disclaimer: Madre does not normally slap her kids for being generally annoying. I just managed to push her over the edge twice.